Saturday, March 26, 2005
11:30 am
11:30 am
A sense of lonliness
Have you ever had the feeling where a feeling of lonliness washes over you and no one can get rid of it? Not even your boyfriend/girlfriend? I've had that for I think two days. Two whole days. I don't know what's wrong with me...but to assume the best, everything is wrong with me. When I was talking to my friend Jake yesterday, I said I was on a quest. A quest to find what makes me the happiest. I already know what it is...it's just the matter of getting it. It's not cool not having it. I'm depressed all the time, a constant feeling of being lonely, of something missing...a huge void...which I recently learned that it's consuming me. It's not fun. You're empty, you have no emotion...but when did I have emotion? I remember when...those were the days when everything in the world was beautiful and nothing was grotesque...now everything went upside down. Everything in the world is grotesque and nothing in the world is beautiful. We all have those times huh? For me it's lasted eight months. That's sad. Really sad.
My writers block is lifting, but I will not be continuing any of my stories. Keyword NOT finishing them. I'm "working" on something else. Like my Tree Frog story. The rain seems to cry for me. Just watching it slide down the window the way it does. That was kinda random.
My friend Babs is teaching me Dutch. She's cool...at the moment very vunlerable to any pain because she just broke up with her boyfriend of two years. But yeah...She's cool to hang around with. She sent me a song that she wrote and I'm gonna see if I can do anything to it. Like make it into music. Sounds like a plan. I just gotta get unlazy and do it. My head hurts. Really bad. I've been sitting here typing this long enough.
